Funny Quotes and Sayings About Golf by Legends of Our Time

A few months ago I came across this Winston Churchill saying: “Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.” After reading this I couldn’t help but to chuckle, this made me curious and I wanted to find out what other well known people have said about golf. Below are some of my favorites words uttered about golf by legends of our time.

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“It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.”
– Hank Aaron

“Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?”
– Al Boliska

“I know I’m getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.”
– Gerald Ford

“Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.”
– P.J. O’Rourke

“The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.”
– Phyllis Diller

“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”
– Tiger Woods

“I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone’s golf game. It’s called an eraser.”
– Arnold Palmer

“Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.”
– Dave Barry

“If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.”

– Lee Trevino

“I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.”

– Jeff Foxworthy

“He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie.”

– Mickey Mantle

“Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.”

– James Patrick Murray

“You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He’s the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, “oops!”

– Bob Monkhouse

“It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.”     
– Mark Twain

“A game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well.”
– Art Rosenblum

“When I hit the ball, I want someone else to go chase it.”
– Baseball player Roger Hornsby, on why he did not play golf.

“I used to play golf with a guy who cheated so badly that he once had a hole-in-one and wrote down zero on the scorecard.”
– Bob Bruce

“I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.”       
– Harry Toscano

“Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole-in-one.”
– Martha Beckman

“If you are going to throw a club, it’s important you throw it down the fairway in front of you. That way you don’t waste energy going to pick it up.”
-Tommy Bolt

“Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golfers become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.”
– John Updike

“Gimme: an agreement between two losers who can’t putt.”
– Jim Bishop

“I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I don’t play.”
– Joe E Brown

“I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.”
– Bob Hope

“Most people play a fair game of golf – if you watch them.”
– Joey Adams

“If you think it’s hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong ball.”
– Blake Lochrie

Reading these quotes confirm the facts that we already knew. Golf is hard, very hard, it doesn’t matter who you are everyone suffers at its hands at some point. Golf will test your character, patience, and many other things, but it remains one of the greatest games ever played. Golf treats everyone the same, doesn’t matter if you are a sports or movie star.  These quotes are some of the best, but there are many more out there. If you have a funny quote to share please do so in the comments section. If you have a tough day out on the course, read these quotes again, nothing like a good laugh to make you feel better after a long day playing golf.

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